The Philosophy Of Love
by Sery
Summary: KakaSaku SasuSaku Sequel to Naruto's Party & Understanding. When she didn't respond, keeping her eyes shut as he slid the dangerous, but enticing metal over her throat, bare shoulders, and thin straps of her small gown, a tearing sound was heard...
1. Leaving

Voilà, here it is finally then, the sequel to Naruto's Party and Understanding. I would advice to read at least one of them, but it ain't necessary if you don't want to J

Extremely sorry for the delay, I promise (if I've enough encouragements) that I'll update in a month's time.

It's beta-ed now, thanx to ShipperTrish.

Sery

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, you should know that...

* * *

The Philosophy of Love

_

* * *

_

_There has never been a reason_

_To love you_

_But there has always been a reason_

_To stay away from you_

* * *

The image of her innocent smile, the sweet sound of her laughter was still fresh in his mind as he made his way through the narrow streets of Konoha. It was four AM in the morning, the birds had just awoken and were busy chirping from the trees and the roofs, talking in their secret language. Kakashi couldn't understand, but that wasn't the only thing that he couldn't. 

"_Only if."_

What in the hell did that mean? Why had she said that to him?

Why?

Images of last night entered his mind again. He never felt bad after having spent a night with someone, which meant having sex with the one. But now he felt bad. He had used Anko, trying to ban _her_ from his mind, nonetheless it hadn't helped at all.

"_Why are you leaving so early?" A sleepy Anko asked him, trying to suppress a yawn as she turned her head slightly to glance over at her alarm clock. _

"_Kami, Kakashi, it's half past four in the morning!" _

_Under the blanket, an alarmed and fully naked Anko stared at and addressed the one standing completely dressed at the threshold of her bedroom door. She sat upright squeezing the sleep from her eyes, looking worried at him. _

"_Is there something wrong?"_

"_No, I've to go."_

"_But –"_

"_I've a mission." _

"_Oh… I see." Anko nodded understandingly, though a tad disappointed. "I wondered if this was just a random night or…" _

"_Anko," Kakashi said with an edge to his voice, "Whatever happened tonight, it was worth it. But don't expect more from it."_

_He was very clear with that and Anko shut up, knowing there was no reason to talk anymore. She didn't say anything else to him as he left her apartment in silence. If he hadn't been drunk and if _she _hadn't been on his mind the whole time, what happened last night__ would've never happened_

_And they both knew that._

Drink hadn't helped him at all and actually made things even worse for him. He had a terrible headache now, feeling like his head was being split in two with every step he took through the deserted streets of Konoha. But it didn't matter to him at all. Because currently he was full of guilt – guilt of bedding the dark-haired woman, giving her false dreams and promises he hadn't really meant.

And there was, of course, the loss, too. The loss of a good friend, a companion, a teammate… The pink-haired medic he _had_ secretly loved, as it was not a secret anymore for she knew since yesterday.

_"Well, congratulations with your engagement with Sasuke. I hope you two will have a beautiful life together." He said honestly. _

_His hand moved towards her with the intention to pat her on her head, but it suddenly changed its direction and was now – to his own astonishment – gently caressing her soft cheek. An adorable blush formed on her cheeks as she first tensed, then relaxed, and timidly moved her gaze away from him. _

_"Why don't you get married or at least have a girlfriend?" _

_She wasn't the first one who asked him this. Usually, he would reply that he wasn't one for marriage or settling with someone. Actually, that had been the truth, but now he wanted to settle, to cherish a certain person. It was another matter he couldn't handle since she was already in love with another. _

_"Because." _

_She knit her eyebrows together, not appreciating his answer. Suddenly, her eyes widened, something dawning on her. With disbelief she stared at him and he realized that she knew. _

_That she finally knew that he loved her. _

_She retreated a step, his hand losing the warmth of her cheek, arm falling back to its side. Calmly he peered at her, bracing himself for her reaction to everything that he'd done and felt. But instead, she turned around, apparently too confused to reply. She was about to walk wordlessly away, but halted. _

_She turned her head a little, just enough for him to know that the words she whispered over her shoulder were only meant for his ears. _

_"If you'd told me sooner, then things could've been different." _

_Her voice was soft, almost pleading. His brows furrowed not comprehending – not wanting to comprehend the meaning of her words. She turned to look at him and formed two words with her lips. _

_"Only if." _

_Then she was gone, swallowed by the crowd, leaving him behind. _

He could vaguely remember the incident that had unfortunately given him away.

It had been on a mission about a year ago when he had, in his carelessness, let an attacker cut him in his arm or maybe his hand – only to protect the pink-haired kunoichi. He could've done many other things without having to shed his blood, but at that moment nothing else had occurred to him and he had acted on reflex.

She'd been angry, of course, and he agreed with her. It had been foolish to think she would've been enthralled by a stupid move like that. He let her know that he'd done it for her – to protect her like he'd always done – by replying to her angry questions with a simple "Because."

He'd been so cautious to not let her know his feelings for her – afraid of her yelling at him, but moreover of her hatred and losing her.

Insofar in his musings, drink had really been the worst option, though he knew from now on every night would contain drinking, but of course not during missions.

He immediately scrapped the last part of his mental note as he had a dreaded feeling that missions wouldn't be an exception anymore – especially not the mission for which he was leaving now.

No one who looked at him would have thought that something was bothering him as his stance was slouched as usual, his silver hair in eternal disarray, and he tread slow as he walked down the streets taking light steps.

The only thing one might have found intriguing was the porn book missing from his hands. It was there, of course, in his back pouch, but he didn't feel like taking it out. He was rather inclined to muse about last night and imagine how things _could have been_. If instead of saying a dreaded "Only if," she would've left the party with him.

That it hadn't been Anko, but Sakura with whom he'd made love to last night.

Unfortunately, imagining didn't change what happened a few hours ago, nor did it change the persons who were involved.

_"You've no idea how long I've been yearning for this." _

_Kakashi grunted in her ear, hearing her say something – what he would eventually remember in a little of two to three hours – but not comprehending the meaning of her words. They were sharing heated kisses, trying to devour each other as their tongues fought for dominance. _

_Anko's apartment was enfolded in darkness. The only lights coming from the streetlamps and the other buildings were just enough to distinguish each other and the silhouettes of the contents of her small bedroom. _

_The sky was clouded, neither the moon nor the stars were visible. In his hazed state he vaguely compared his mind with the sky. The alcohol running through his blood had made his mind clouded, too. The lights of the stars and the moon were missing, just like the rational and coherent thoughts were missing from his mind. _

_Anko was getting restless with his sloppy kisses as she reached for the zipper of his green vest and pulled it down with a swift tug of her fingers, parting the fabric. The sound of his vest being ripped open brought him back to where they were: in the middle of sex. _

_An irking thought entered his mind as he pulled her blouse up over her head, throwing it on the floor next to her cloak where it landed with a soft thump, exposing her bra-clad chest. He was using her to force Sakura out of his mind – no, into a corner of his mind since he knew that getting her out of his mind was currently an impossible task. Even in a life threatening situation she still occupied his thoughts. _

_It was not the right time to think about her – actually there was no proper time to muse about his love, because it was wrong, terribly wrong to think about her like a lover. _

_Now there was – should've been - Anko only, her warm, welcoming body and the promising warmth of her womanhood wherein he would soon be sheathed. _

_Not satisfied with the result – Sakura was still haunting his thoughts – he decided to speed things up a little bit. He discarded her skirt and panties quickly. Taking his cue, Anko rid him of his pants and boxers. Her hands were on the border of his black shirt ready to pull it up over his head when he suddenly caught her hips and positioned __the tip of his member__ in front of her entrance.  
_

_Her eyes rose up to meet his as they were far away from being ready. They hadn't even explored each other's body yet. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, but he couldn't stop himself now, even if he wanted to. _

_Without so much as a warning sign, he thrust into her warmth and was buried deeply inside of her. A strangled cry escaped her kiss swollen lips, sounding like music to his ears. _

_He pulled back and thrust again, hard, making her body jolt as he firmly grasped her hips. His fingers dug into her flesh, __sure to __leave some nasty marks __the following morning_

_Her hands had left the edge of his shirt and were now twined around his neck. He didn't care about the remaining clothes they were still wearing. Her breasts were still held in place by her bra and the fabric of his shirt rubbed on their skin as their bodies strained against each other. _

_The only thing that mattered was that he was sheathed inside her welcoming warmth. He was pounding recklessly into her. The state wherein his mind was, was by far unconcerned whether she was enjoying their coupling or not. But determining from her breathy moans and cries, she was enjoying it. _

_Kakashi couldn't claim he was enjoying it equally as she was as he was too consumed in his own thoughts of finding pleasure and diversion from his misery. The thoughts still remained and the pleasure for which he was craving wasn't there. _

_Only when he finally came – with the sick thought that he was making love to Sakura – there was mind-numbing pleasure, causing him to forget everything for a little of five seconds. _

_His breathing __soon __became normal again, feeling the bliss he had missed for so damn long. It had been over a year now that he'd had sex. He'd almost forgot how blissful it was and how he missed it. _

_He pulled out of her, neither kisses, nor words, nor gentle touches were exchanged. He couldn't remember when he'd steered them to her bed, but it had to be when he'd been too busy in finding delight. _

_After having covered their bodies with a thin blanket, he cradled her exhausted body in his arms. Not because he wanted to be near her or to touch her, but simply because it was an act he always did after having sex. It was a meaningless gesture. He closed his eyes only to open them again as a dreaded picture of a certain pink-haired kunoichi flashed behind his closed eyelids. Because of her he was lying here with Anko. _

_Sakura…_

_Hearing Anko's snoring and her even breathing, he felt safe to pull his arms back and turn a little away from her, as far as the bed allowed. He wasn't able to sleep. For the following two hours he stared at the ceiling and listened to her even breathing. He couldn't help but think how his two ex-students would probably be busy exploring each other's body at this very moment. Sometimes, he would even replace himself in Sasuke's place and could've sworn he heard Sakura moan his name. _

"Uh… Kakashi!"

_He jerked upright in the bed, sweat beading on his forehead. He pulled the thin blanket back and stepped out of bed. He turned to inspect whether Anko was still sleeping and saw her lying peacefully asleep. _

_He cursed himself for his train of thought and willed his mind to be void. Apparently, sleeping with Anko hadn't helped him at all. _

_He'd tried to block every single thought about the pink-haired girl, but ended up fantasizing about how her face would be like if she would've been under him as he drove himself in and out of her, hitting every time that secret spot that made her eyes water, her toes curl, a sweet pink embellish her cheeks, and her mouth open in a silent cry – _

_Kakashi began to collect his scattered clothes on the floor and was in no time fully dressed again, ready to leave for a perilous mission. _

Even now he couldn't get her out of his mind. Usually, he managed to keep his mind vacant and emotions in check – especially for a dangerous mission like this one. He'd always been prepared when he left for a suicide mission. He probably wouldn't be coming back from this mission, not that he cared about that, he actually never did. But what nagged him was that there was a high possibility of failing this mission or losing a teammate.

Two things he certainly did not like.

He balled his fists in his pockets, infuriated with his own mind and sighed. He still had an hour to kill. He and his teammates had arranged to meet at the main entrance at five o'clock. He only had to pick up his bag as he'd packed yesterday in his apartment. He would leave the village by sunrise. There was a high possibility that he would never see _her _again.

_Sakura… _

Kakashi stopped in his tracks suddenly remembering where he was – in which street he was standing – and in front of whose apartment he had stopped. Feeling that a certain person's eyes were now fixed at him.

It would've been better to ignore her existence and her watching him, but Kakashi couldn't help but turn halfway around to face the person staring at him.

Sakura.

She was sitting on the windowsill, wearing a white nightgown. It was held in place by two thin straps upon her shoulders. The gown fit her petite form perfectly. She had her legs pulled up and her arms draped around her bare knees.

A weird feeling of wanting, hunkering, and attachment mastered his senses as he saw her like this – a pink-haired fairy – before it was rudely pushed away. Images of him tearing that small and silky piece of clothing were too vivid to deny that he wanted her at that very moment.

Badly.

'But she isn't meant for you, remember? They just got engaged yesterday.'

His gaze moved up to study her angelic face. He couldn't distinguish her face well as it was swathed in obscurity. It was her eyes on which he finally settled his intense stare, knowing very well how his penetrating gaze always made everyone – especially her – nervous.

Looking her in the eyes, he felt the warm feeling in his chest that was always there when she looked at him.

She was staring through him. Lost in her own thoughts. His eyes roved her face, trying to memorize her beautiful visage in the scarce light. He wanted to stay there forever, watching her, absorbing every essence of her, but knew better not to. It would be too difficult and maybe embarrassing for her if she saw him watching her.

With much difficulty he tore his gaze away from her and started to walk down the street, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his face lowered and shoulders slumped as if carrying a heavy weight.

He had no idea whether he would ever see her again.

* * *

Sakura blinked staring bemused at the spot where she could've sworn Kakashi had been standing. She let her eyes trail over the street, from beginning to end, but there was no sign of any living person. 

Had she been daydreaming?

No, her consciousness told her that he _had_ been there, had been watching her. She wanted him to stand there again so she could call to him, talk to him, ask him why she was feeling so bad, why she was feeling she'd made a wrong decision, to touch him, to _feel_ him…

"Do you regret it?"

Startled, Sakura looked to her right to the double-bed and saw Sasuke laying on his side, his elbow planted on the mattress and his head resting on the palm of his hand. Her covers were wrapped around his waist, revealing a muscular, strong, and flawless chest.

The sight was breathtaking for any woman, even men would have been impressed, but Sakura had seen him like this for over a year. Yes, he looked stunning and handsome, but it didn't do anything for Sakura anymore.

And it scared her.

She couldn't detect from his face or voice whether he was really concerned about her feelings, or just mildly curious, or was just trying to be a good boyfriend – fiancé. His features weren't showing any emotions and his tone had been monotonous.

He'd asked her a difficult question, a question she'd been struggling with during half the time of their lovemaking. The other half had been occupied with no one else but their ex-sensei, Hatake Kakashi.

After all her contemplation, she'd come to the following conclusion: she hadn't enjoyed their coupling as much as she thought she would've. It had still been worth it, if only to see that lost sparkle in his eyes, a moment when the hidden Sasuke came out. A moment only they shared. Sakura would've done anything to witness it. She would've even given up her virginity. And she did so last night.

Still it hurt.

"Why do you ask?" She replied quietly, avoiding his question.

He stared unmoving at her, ignoring her question he reiterated.

"Did you?"

This time a trace of impatience was heard in his soft, but demanding voice. She sighed, deciding to assure him without a shadow of a doubt.

"No, Sasuke-kun… What makes you think that?"

He remained staring at her impassively, making her feel as if her father was staring at her, trying to figure out whether she was lying about stealing a piece of candy. His face relaxed, then he held out his hand which wasn't supporting his head.

"Come here." He beckoned her with his hand.

She wasn't used to this gesture of affection from him and tentatively slid down to her feet, making her way to the bed. She sat at the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight as she settled next to him.

"Is there something wrong?"

He shook his head in the palm of his hand and grabbed her hand – her left hand with the ring, their engagement ring. A small smile came to her lips as she stared at it. She found it beautiful, delicate, and pretty at the same time. It had a small band, about two mm wide, and green colored stones set in it, forming a flower.

She looked at his left hand on which he was leaning. She knew he wasn't wearing his ring, not anymore at least. Yesterday, when they got engaged during Naruto's party, they'd exchanged the rings and he wore his ring for awhile. But as soon as no one had been paying attention to him, he'd slipped the ring off, saying he didn't like to wear rings, that he'd actually been forced by Naruto to buy one for himself and then Naruto convinced him to wear it to the party, too.

She'd been completely caught by surprise, not having the faintest idea that the party had actually been organized for their engagement.

"Don't you think that we're hurrying things?"

With raised eyebrows he peered at her, mouth open and ready to say something, but Sakura rushed to continue.

"I mean, you've recently turned nineteen, but I'm still eighteen… Don't you think it's too early?"

"I don't think it's that early."

"But we'll marry when we're only – "

"Don't worry about that. We won't marry until you're twenty-one."

He gave her a skeptical look and Sakura bit her lower lip. He was suspicious about why she was asking. She had always been the one who wanted to marry as soon as possible with him.

"I won't let you change your mind."

Shocked, Sakura lifted her head to meet his eyes. How could he know?

"I won't." She stuttered, then noted that one side of his lips was quirked up, as if he was enjoying her blushing and stuttering.

"Well, you're sounding and looking as if I've just caught you red-handed."

"You just took me by surprise."

She freed her hand from his grip, what he easily let her do, and made her way again to the only, but large window in the room.

"I didn't know I wasn't the only one suffering from insomnia." He said after awhile, his voice bitter and sarcastic.

She turned around to see him laying in another position. He was now lying on his back, his arms bent and his hands supporting his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

"I just couldn't sleep." She truthfully answered. "Couldn't you sleep again?"

There came no sound, no nod, or shake of his head, which meant "yes." He didn't like that fact in the least, nor want to admit to it.

"Did you take your sleeping pills before you went to bed?"

This time a small grunt was extracted from him. She sighed.

"Apparently, you've gotten immune to them. I knew you would one day, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. I've made some stronger ones for you, but they're still at the hospital. I'll get them for you after work today."

He closed his eyes and together they lapsed into silence before Sakura broke it.

"Did you have nightmares?"

When he didn't reply, she stubbornly crossed the small room again to her bed.

"Sasuke-kun…"

She smoothed a few strands of hair away from his face. He opened his eyes as an answer to her gentle touch.

"Please, tell me." She pleaded him.

Even now, when she was nearly certain that she didn't love him in the way she'd thought she did, she still cared about him as a lover would.

"He was there again, in my dreams…" He sighed. "I can't get rid of him, no matter how hard I try."

She bit her lower lip in anguish, seeing him helpless like this, unable to do anything for him. She could only offer him comfort. It wouldn't keep his nightmares away, but at least he wouldn't think about them then.

She reached for the mark, her fingers gliding over his taut abs and towards his shoulderblades.

"Does it still hurt?"

He shook his head, then looked her in the eyes.

"No, but he still haunts me."

Defeating the other Uchiha, his elder brother Itachi, hadn't meant that he'd freed himself of Orochimaru's web. Even now, when he'd defeated his brother, his hunger for power hadn't decreased. It was still there.

* * *

Sakura wondered where she would find Kakashi. He hadn't been on Training Ground Three, nor had he been at the memorial or at the bridge. She considered going to his home, but quickly decided not to. Maybe he was still with Anko. 

She couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy and fiery.

He damn well knew how she disliked Anko and still he'd bedded her last night. She was pretty sure about that fact as she'd witnessed them both stumbling into Anko's apartment, Anko placing kisses all over his masked face and neck, and literally _groping_ his ass.

She gave herself a firm headshake as she entered the hospital. Maybe Tsunade knew where he was.

She didn't know why she wanted to see him, she only knew that she _had_ to see him.

She found the blond woman in the operating room.

"Shishou –"

The blonde Hokage looked up from a body of an unconscious man lying on the operating table. As soon as she saw who it was, a smile crept up on her strained face.

"Sakura! Good to see you! Now quick, give me that pair of scissors. Yes, that one there… No, not that big one, that small one… Yes, that's the one."

Sakura looked curiously at Tsunade's fully concentrated face after handing her the object she'd been asking for.

"Where is Shizune? Shouldn't she be here to help you?"

"Yes, she should've been here, but she's helping a woman with her delivery. The woman who was suppose to do it is lying sick at home, or at least her husband said so over the phone… but I don't trust it."

"Um, Shishou, do you know where Kakashi-sensei is?" She asked tentatively as she handed over the equipment for stitching.

"Kakashi… that moron…"

Sakura took a step back as she knew a storm was coming, hearing the ferocity in her voice.

"Did he do something wrong?" She asked quietly when the blonde didn't resume.

"Something wrong you say? He does everything wrong! I tell him not to go on that mission, but what does that idiot do? He volunteers for it!!! Now how stupid can you be to volunteer for a suicide mission?! He's gone out of his mind! I don't want to lose a good ninja, but it seems that he's thinking something else."

"When will he be coming back?"

Tsunade sighed, halted her stitching, and turned to look at the girl who was holding her head downcast.

"He won't be coming back for three months, and that's if he doesn't die. There's a very small chance of success. I don't think he'll make it."


	2. Underway

Thanx to everyone who reviewed and thanx for your support! You're the one who keeps me going!

A special thanx to ShipperThrish for the beta and your encouragements! D

A very happy New Year to everyone!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...

* * *

The Philosophy of Love

Chapter Two Underway

* * *

"Keep quiet!" His voice hissed in her ear with a menacing undertone, looking at the face of the beautiful jade-eyed girl lying helplessly under him.

"I will if you lift your goddamn heavy body off of me so I could breathe," she hissed back and moaned suddenly.

Alarmed, he tore his eyes from the door which he'd expected to be slammed open at any moment by several bodyguards, fixing his gaze on her angelic face instead. A crimson blush had crept up on her cheeks and she was trying her very best to look at anything but him.

"What?" He asked annoyed, but alarmed.

Damn, he wasn't hard now, was he?

"N-nothing," she stuttered and blushed an even deeper shade of red if it were possible.

Feeling uneasy, he was about to pull away from her tempting body when he suddenly realized _what_ had turned her on. He slid the cold metal of his knife carefully over the delicate skin of her throat. It made her shiver and elicit a surprised gasp. His groin lurched hearing her gasp and he winced. Fuck, he wasn't here to get seduced by this stupid girl! Still, he couldn't help but ask her in a low voice, "Do you like this?"

When she didn't respond, keeping her eyes shut as he slid the dangerous, but enticing metal over her throat, bare shoulders, and thin straps of her small gown, a tearing sound was heard in the quiet room along with their ragged breathing. Her eyes fluttered open for a second before falling shut again as he grabbed a round, naked globe in his rough hand. With an amused smirk he stared at her face that was now contorted in pleasure, noting that her nipple had been hard even before he'd touched her. He had torn her silky black gown, ripping it apart with his knife from the middle of her chest, right down to her navel. With a snort of appreciation, he noted that the gown was the only piece of clothing on her body. His own clothes were the only things hindering him from taking her right there on the floor of her bedroom. But, well, his clothes weren't the problem now. His free hand went to the button of his dark denims trying to open it, but not succeeding with his fumbling. He was too distracted by her soft mewls, her flawless and amazing body, and the heat between her legs. He wondered if she'd already noticed how her body was grinding into him, her legs spread wide for him, begging him to take her right there. He wanted to do things to her no one would've ever done or would ever do with her. He was surprised to feel her hands suddenly on him, opening his pants without any problem, as if she did it every night. She pulled him free and took his erection in her hands. He groaned in the back of his throat and caught her by the shoulders, forcing her back onto the floor.

"Do you know what you're doing?" His voice rasped, wanting to think coherently. Damn, this wasn't going as planned. He wanted to plug into her awaiting body, tear cries from her and fuck her senseless.

She stared innocently back at him, but he could see the lust shimmering in her eyes, too.

"You know the fucking consequences! You know that this might be for only one night and that we can't possibly do this…You know who I am – ohh, GOD!"

She'd started to pump his member in her hand, not listening to him. Really, he wasn't the one who should be objecting, so why was he resisting now?

He forcefully grabbed both of her hands, bringing them up above her head and holding them hostage with one hand.

"Foolish girl, you shouldn't have started this, 'cuz now I'm going to fuck your brains out."

With one hard thrust, he'd sheathed himself deeply inside of her up to the hilt.

"Yesss…" she moaned.

He gave her no time to adjust, but started slamming himself into her, setting a fast rhythm for his thrusting. He tore the thin, pie-cut clothing off of her body and dug his fingers deeply inside the flesh of her hips.

"Ah… deeper…"

He fought the urge to go even harder, knowing she wouldn't be able to handle that pace. She was an amazing temptress full of confidence and he knew she wouldn't say anything if he hurt her more than he already was. He made her hands grasp the foot of her bed and slid his hands back down her body, lingering, feeling every inch of her. He locked his arms behind her shoulders and halted a moment, adjusting himself inside of her, but not giving her the time to adjust. He set another rhythm, faster than he'd had in mind, driving deeper into her. The sweat had already started to form on his forehead and he was just getting started.

Her moans had turned into frantic cries and he could feel his heart beating in his throat. She was so tight, so warm. He loved it, but didn't want to lose himself in it yet. Just not yet.

"Please…" she whimpered for him to finally come.

He shook his head slightly and bit her earlobe softly, afterwards trailing his mouth down to lavish on her left breast. Another strangled and uncontrolled cry escaped her full red lips as he took her nipple in his mouth, alternating between biting and sucking.

She almost came immediately.

He rode on her orgasm, prolonging the intense sensations and loving how she was convulsing around him completely helpless. His motions were becoming jerky now and with a last, few, hard thrusts he shoved himself deeply inside of her, finally letting the bliss take over his senses.

He collapsed exhausted on top of her, but kept in mind not to crush her with his weight as he'd done so earlier. His elbows were planted on either side of her head and he looked intensely at her still flushed face. She was goddamn beautiful. As he thought this, the painful reality of their situation struck him. He remembered with agony why he'd actually come here in the first place. He rolled off of her and stood up reluctantly. He was already missing the warmth of her body. How he would love to drive himself into her again – ah, fuck! He turned his back on her, refusing to meet her eyes. He adjusted his clothing – they hadn't even bothered to remove them – and paid no attention to his hair. His hair was always a mess. No one would notice the difference. He still would have to explain things to the others, though, something he wasn't very fond of doing. Without facing her and her tempting naked body, he wanted to leave right now, saying no goodbye, avoiding the dreaded questions.

"Will you come back to me?"

It had been one of the many questions which he'd been dreading.

He, himself, couldn't even tell. What should he tell her? 'I don't know – I'm a shinobi, I can die anytime?'

He sighed, turning his head a little to her, just not enough to look at her, knowing she would weaken his resolve otherwise.

"I –"

Genma placed a hand on his book and forcibly pulled it down.

"Kami, Kakashi, can't you put your porn book down for a moment?!" His eyes shot fire at him.

"Well, actually, there was a very interesting scene coming up where they would –"

"I know! The guard who was actually sent to protect the princess would work her with his mouth!"

It was suddenly quiet around them after Genma's outburst.

"What?!" The man with the senbon in his mouth said aggravated. "It's not as if anyone of you hasn't done it before?!"

The only female narrowed her eyes dangerously at Genma and opened her mouth to give him a harsh lecture.

"Okay, you're an exception."

Without further ado he asked Kakashi what he'd wanted to ask since the start of their mission. His eyes were glistening with mischief as he leaned closer to Kakashi's ear, giving him a meaningful look before saying in a low voice, as if he was about to share a secret with him, "So… how was she?"

Impassively, the other man looked over his shoulder.

"Who?" He said monotonously.

"Fuck, Kakashi, you know who! Anko!"

When he didn't reply, Genma reiterated his question with a sly smile, though less patient.

"Well…how was she?"

"We only had sex," Kakashi sighed, not wanting to talk about last night, knowing that if he said this Genma would be assured that she was just another one of the countless one nightstands. But to his amazement, Genma didn't stop and even had a look of some sort of agony on his face.

"She liked you very much…can't you stop breaking women's hearts?"

"No…you know how I am," he said lightly as the headache of this morning started coming back.

"You don't have pity even on your students. You even dared to break Sakura's heart – your favorite student."

His heart skipped a beat as a cold sweat started to break out.

"You know?" was all he could utter as he clutched the orange-colored book in his right hand.

"Of course I do. I could see her staring at you all the time. Okay, not _all_ the time, but she watches you _most_ of the time. She looked really hurt when you didn't come to congratulate her and Sasuke with their engagement."

"You're talking about their engagement," Kakashi said warily.

Genma gave him a look.

"Yeah. Did you do something to break that sweet girl's heart, too?"

Not finding an implication to answer the question, he tried to turn his attention back on his book, but all he could see on the pages was her tear-streaked face.

"You are a real bastard," Genma muttered, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he gave him a hard look.

"I know," he replied quietly.

They both lapsed into silence as the small fire crackled. They'd made it for warmth in the chilly summer night and for light to see a little.

Kakashi glanced over at the two other members of his team. One was an ANBU member with whom he'd worked with in the past when he, too, had been ANBU. His name was Roku. His neatly cut brown hair was shining gold in the fire. He was staring into the fire with a dazed gaze. It was clear he wanted to sleep. It was logical, they'd been underway the whole day, not taking any breaks or slowing their pace. The other member on his team was a medic, a woman named Kuriko. He didn't know her very well, except for the fact that he knew she worked with Sakura in the hospital. Kuriko was probably about five to seven years older than the pink-haired medic. Her thin, black hair reached her waist even when it was tied in a ponytail.

"Okay, at least ask how mine was." Genma prompted suddenly, breaking the stillness.

Kakashi thumbed another page as if he was busy reading his porn book, but was actually lost in deep thoughts of the only pink-haired medic in Konoha. He didn't want to respond to his stupid question, but knew that Genma would eventually drag the response that he wanted to hear out of him.

When the man with the senbon in his mouth gave the silver-haired man a nudge with his elbow to the side, he sighed.

"How?" he drawled, without looking up from the book in his hand.

"You can't even fake interest, you know? You might do as well to evade breaking one's heart. You're a real heartless monster," Genma accused him, though smiling when he uttered the last sentence.

Just what Sakura had said to him the night before.

_"I didn't believe it, Kakashi, but now I believe what others say about you. You're a heartless monster. You don't care even a little about anyone. Not even your ex-students."_

Ah, well, it was just another one who accused him of what he was. A heartless monster. It didn't matter, really.

* * *

It was just another night with a starless sky, the moon obscured behind dark clouds. The darkness and thunder promising that it would be a severe night with probably heavy rain. The first drops of water had started to fall. She could feel them if she would just stretch her arm, palm turned up towards the sky. A soft sound of a drip fell on her hand at the end of her index finger. Another trickle on the palm of her hand. The depressing sight of the darkness and the rain didn't make her sad, like it would make other people feel. On the contrary, it made a small smile linger on her lips. It made her remember _him._

On nights like these he'd held her, comforted her, and had even _pleased_ her with a crinkle of his sole visible eye, pressing his masked lips on the hair atop of her head. The way he'd touched her without hesitation, without reservations, but lingering, had made her feel that what they were doing was right, had made her want to be always touched and assured by him: his voice, his lips, his strong arms, his scent…She'd even futilely wished once that no one else but him might touch her, if he would just touch her, hold her like this forever. She'd been so young and ignorant to not recognize her feelings for him. She hadn't even tried to scrutinize his feelings for her. She'd been oblivious to everything and everyone. She'd been so stupid, so foolish to think that they were just friends, once student and teacher.

Sakura sighed as she looked wistfully up in the sky.

Where would he be now? Somewhere in the forest? Would he be thinking about her?

She immediately banned the thought from her mind with a grim look on her face. Why in the hell would he think about her when he'd been avoiding her for the last year, when he hadn't even cared to just ask her how she was doing? He would take another way if he would see her taking the same way. He'd done everything to avoid her for the last year.

Yes, yes, she'd been very wrong, too, when she'd paid no attention to him when Sasuke had been brought back, but he'd been so ill, on the verge of life and death. He'd taken all her attention and care. She could remember nights when she wouldn't have slept more than three or four hours. How could _he_ claim that he was the one who'd been neglected.

''Cuz when you were alone he'd been there. But when he was alone, no one was, not even you.'

_"I'm sorry. __I know since Sasuke has come back I haven't bothered to look you up. But you were the one I thought who understood me." _

Those were things she'd said to him yesterday and she didn't regret saying one thing. But what she did regret was how things had turned out. She'd never thought he would actually feel _something_ for her. She wasn't sure if it was love, though a day ago she'd been very sure about it. And what she felt…she'd lost the meaning of love.

What was love actually?

Not the love between blood relatives, not the love of friends, but the love between a man and woman, where sex was a _part_ of it.

No, love was not about sex. Love was based on trust. It was about care, attachment, affection. Something she felt and had for Sasuke, but also for Kakashi. But she didn't trust her ex-sensei, not anymore. How could she trust someone who'd avoided her in the last year?

But love was about passion, too, wasn't it?

Sakura sighed, finding herself falling deeper and deeper into a hole she'd dug herself in. She turned her head to look at Sasuke, who was asleep in her large bed. The question she'd wanted to ask him since they started seeing each other burning on her lips.

"Do you love me?"

She only dared to speak her thoughts out loud now when he was in a deep sleep and she was sure he couldn't hear her. The silence after made her only feel more and more uncertain and insecure. Why wouldn't he turn to look at the girl sitting on the windowsill, looking dejectedly out the open window to the clouded sky? Why wouldn't he just open his eyes, smile at her, before telling her that he _did_ love her?

He was still asleep.

Maybe he'd been right, after all, and she did have insomnia. Was it contagious? No, she couldn't have it only because he had it. No, she definitely hadn't got it because of him.

She stood up, closed the window, and crossed the room to her bed. Hearing his slight snoring made her feel a little better and made her relax her tensed muscles. She sat on the edge of the bed and slid her hands through the thick strands of his dark, raven-colored hair.

He stirred in his sleep.

She knew he wouldn't wake up before six AM. The sleeping pills she'd given him were good for at least six hours sleep. As she watched his face, looking so innocent asleep, she knew she could never leave him. Never. He needed her and she was too loyal a person to leave one who needed her.

Why was she thinking about leaving him? He was her love, right?...

_"I want to forget him." _

_Her voice didn't crack, but sounded rather determined though her underlip was trembling. It was as if someone else had said that as the voice didn't match at all the uncertain look on the young girl's face. __But Kakashi couldn't see her face for her hair blocked his view. _

_They were sitting on the grass of Ground Three, where Team Seven had always trained, leaning on a sturdy tree, sitting side by side, but just not touching. __He was holding his perpetual porn book and staring at it, while she was staring somewhere in the distance into the forest. __If he was surprised at what she'd just said, he didn't show it. Or maybe he was relieved that she'd finally made a wise decision. She wasn't, after all, that stupid twelve-year-old girl anymore who'd only longed for the last Uchiha in Konoha. No, she'd matured and was more wise than any other sixteen-year-old girl in their village, but with still a soft spot for the never (or at least not yet) returned Uchiha. __She waited for him to say something, but minutes passed away as the wind blew through their hair, tugging on their clothes, and making leaves swirl over the ground and in mid-air. _

_Why wasn't he saying anything? __She wanted him to say_ something._ She couldn't possibly gain the courage to speak it again._

_"Sensei –" _

_"Do you love him?" _

_If he would've asked it a few years ago she would've demanded hotly how he'd dared to ask her that. Everyone in the village knew she loved him. But now she only looked away, asking herself again and again if she still loved him. Yes, she still did, but it had changed in one way or another, or maybe she felt like this just because it had been too long since she'd last seen him. Could she still love the boy who'd betrayed their village?_

_"I do." _

_It wasn't more than a whisper, but she knew he'd heard her, hearing him sigh at her response. She was stunned to feel him grasp her chin with a thumb and index finger with his fingerless gloved hand, turning her face slowly towards him. She couldn't see his face, but seeing the look in his eye, she saw he was serious._

_"Never forget the ones you love, Sakura. Keep them alive in your heart, but don't look forward to their return, and don't let their absence ruin your life." _

That was right, she shouldn't mourn if he would never return from his _suicide _mission. He'd volunteered for it after all. But why couldn't she still get him out of her head? When he came back, she was sure to give him a good lecture. How could he dare leave them behind like this? He hadn't told her, nor Sasuke, nor Naruto that he was leaving. How in the hell he dare give others lectures about responsibilities and loyalty?

"Sakura…"

Sasuke slowly opened his eyes, looking her straight in the eye. The mere sight of the just awoken look on his face made her smile.

"Good morning sleepy head."

* * *

His head was being split in two, no _–_ in a million pieces. The pain was becoming more and more unbearable with every passing second. He had a strange feeling that if he would just say her name out loud, so he would hear it, that the pain would fade away. There would be only her, her name, her memories. It was on the tip of his tongue. He was just about to say it, opening his mouth… 

"Um, Kakashi?"

Bemused, Kakashi's head turned to his left, seeing Genma watching him with a surprised look on his face. Shit, had he said her name out loud?! Fuck!…

"You don't look well."

"I'm fine," he answered unconvincingly.

"No, you're not. Your face is almost black." He gave him a serious look, before a wide grin emerged on his countenance.

It took Kakashi's brain a few moments to register what he meant.

'Oh, my mask…'

When he hadn't figured it out yet, Genma began to laugh.

"Really, funny. Ha ha ha," the masked man said dryly.

Genma wiped an imagined tear from the corner of his left eye.

"Are you sure you're alright? 'Cuz you always see through me right away."

Kakashi sighed dramatically.

"Have you nothing to do but look after me?"

Genma snickered.

"Well, actually I have. But the problem is that I promised a certain person to look after you. So you can say what you want, but I ain't lookin' away," he said with a playful wink.

Kakashi looked away.

'I hope it had been Sakura.'

He didn't need to hope. He knew it couldn't have been someone else.

"So, you gonna tell me or do I have to beat it out of you?" He tried to threaten, but failed miserably as Kakashi only quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"Why your pace is so slow and why your eye looks droopier than ever?"

"…"

"That's not an answer."

"Headache."

"Ah…I remember. You drank too much at Naruto's party…"

Kakashi felt a sudden urge in his hands to throttle the annoying person walking next to him.

Genma nodded, looking back at the others walking behind them.

"She's a medic. Go to her during a break to relieve yourself."

"I may not be feeling well, but that doesn't mean I can't beat you up," the silver-haired man said monotonously, though with a threatening undertone.

Genma carefully backed a few steps away, but with a grin on his face.

"I'm not talking about sex, you pervert. I'm less perverse than you. Maybe you should get yourself named Ero-Jounin?" He carefully suggested, but unfortunately didn't miss the blow as soon as the last word had left his mouth.

* * *

They'd started to walk as soon as the sun had risen. For their secret mission they were moving far south. They'd been tipped that an Akatsuki spy would rendezvous there with an Akatski member. Their mission was simple: to catch the spy and the Akatsuki member. But the problem was that it could also be a trap, which was actually more likely since they didn't know who'd tipped them. 

It was a long journey of fifteen days without breaks, so they would likely be there in three weeks' time. And that would be if there wouldn't be any impediments like ambushes, diseases, and hotheaded villagers.

This country they were currently going through was known for its high ratio of deaths. About half of the deaths was caused by heavy rains and extreme weather. But anything, anything was better just to keep away from her, because he wasn't sure if he could take her presence near him any longer without touching her or could bear watching her cuddle with Sasuke.

Kakashi had decided to spend the night in a low-cost inn named Virgin's inn, which was actually ironic since a lot of thieves and cheap whores stayed there, but it was better than to sleep out in the open. He'd decided to take one large room, which was empty, but for a small cupboard on the wall.

"Did he tell ya it was vacant or did ya ask for one?" Genma's tone was sardonic as he looked around the room. "There's even mold growing in a corner! Yuck! What did ya pay for it?"

"There were only four singles available and this one. You didn't have enough money to get those."

"Ah, I see." Genma was about to turn around when it hit him who'd actually paid for this room and where his wallet was. "You stole my wallet!"

Kakashi shrugged, kneeling on the ground, unpacking his backpack. "Someone had to pay."

"I'm hungry, I'm going to get us something to eat," Roku suddenly interrupted, feeling that if he didn't, their small quarrel could grow out into a fight. "Genma, you comin' along?"

Genma shrugged. "Yeah sure," he said and glared at Kakashi. As he passed the Copy-Nin, Kakashi threw Genma his wallet back.

"I'll get you back for this!" Genma shouted when they were already out of the room, leaving Kakashi and the female medic Kuriko.

She was also busy unpacking her stuff.

"Kuriko… you have some time to look at me for a moment?"

"Why, did you bump your toe?"

"Nah...I've a headache since yesterday morning. It won't blow over."

"Any idea why?"

"Too much alcohol I guess…"

"I see." She sighed and looked up. "Then it must be pretty serious," she said bored. "Let me have a look at you."

She crossed the room to him and knelt in front of him. He offered her his hand, knowing she would first check his pulse.

"Higher than normal," she muttered quietly.

"Thought so."

"Lift your shirt up."

He did what she asked and she placed her hand over him, moving it a little up and down over his firm stomach.

"You still have a lot of alcohol running through your blood and in your organs," her tone was quite serious now and she looked up at him. "That isn't normal. Normally, alcohol is broken up in 24 hours. You must be an alcoholic to have such a large amount of alcohol running through your body."

"I'm not an alcoholic."

'Just not yet.'

"You seem to be healthy and in good form…I guess you'll be better soon, no worries about it. I can give you something to ease the headache…but I have to say that you've done a good job to still have so much alcohol in your body. Have you literally drowned yourself in alcohol?"

"Something like that, yes."


End file.
